College Basketball Analyst Rankings

Bill Raftery
Works for CBS and ESPN. He is typically on the second announcing team for both CBS and ESPN. The gold standard to which all analysts should be measured up. Combines solid analysis and incredible knowledge of the game with a shtick that never gets old. Looks like a nice grandfather. Best known for his catch phrases....
"Send it in big fella!"
"Onions!"
"A little nylon"
"With the kiss"
"With the teardrop, that'll make you cry"
"We got a little nickle-dimer here"
"With the blow by"
"There's a little lingerie on the deck"
"With the Dribble Drive"
"Bring your lunch!"
"(insert co announcers name), (insert team name) goes....MAN TO MAN!
"A little ricochet romance!"
"GET THE PUPPIES GOING!"
Most famous line came from Pitt's Jerome Lane shattering the backboard as he yelped, "Send it in Jerome!"
Rating: 5/5

Dick Vitale
ESPN 1st analyst. There are pros and cons to Dicky V. His shtick can be wearing as his catch-phrases have been overplayed. But when hes not yelling, he has a huge depth of knowledge. Always talks about incoming recruits and who to look out for. Always seems like its a bigger game when hes calling the game. Is better off when not paired with the ADHD case Mike Patrick.
Rating: 3.5/5

Rick Majerus
Working for ESPN on Big East games with Dave O' Brien. Mixes brilliance in with sometimes incredible stupidity. Knows the game very well and is unafraid to rip players and coaches. Majerus seems to purposely mispronounce words such as offense (he pronounces it oaf-fense). Gets bonus points for sucking up to Kentucky continually, ripping on Maryland and making a crude sexual joke about Ashley Judd on air (During the last minute of a 20-point blowout of Tennessee by Kentucky..."Well, there's not much to look forward to from here on out, so I'm trying to find Ashley Judd in the crowd. It beats the adult videos at the hotel.").
Rating: 3/5

Steve Lavin
Paired with Brent Musberger to do mostly Big Ten action this season on ESPN. Is an ok analyst but makes a lot of incredibly lame jokes and laughs his ass off about them. In one insistence he was interviewing Illini coach Bruce Webber and made a joke about him wearing "orange undies" while the rest of the studio crew looked like they wanted to kill themselves.
Rating: 2/5

Len Elmore
Does ACC games for ESPN and works occasionally for CBS. Never really offers any hard-hitting analysis and is kind of Blah. Don't hate him or like him.
Rating: 2/5

Jimmy Dykes
Works SEC games for ESPN and does other various assignments. Does an overall solid job and seems to know what hes talking about. Hasn't really progressed up the ranks at all, and during football season is stuck doing sideline reporting for mid-level games.
Rating: 3/5

Jay Bilas
Does ESPN announcing and studio work and does games for CBS for the tournament. The Cris Collinsworth of college basketball announcers. Knows his stuff, unafraid to say anything. Even though he attended Duke, he doesn't seem to homer to them. Only downside has he has continued the trend of Upside, Long, and other dumb words to describe basketball players during the NBA draft.
Rating: 4.5/5

Billy Packer
CBS' lead analyst. Almost unbearable at this point. His comments about in-game strategy often cause much head scratching. Continually makes an ass out of himself during every tournament selection show. Went off about how George Mason shouldn't of made the tournament and constantly dissed St. Joes as a number one seed in 2004. The most disliked college basketball announcer, yet remains CBS lead analyst. The only announcer that I find to be worse than Tim McCarver and Davey Nelson. (If anyone gets the Davey Nelson reference, they know how bad he sucked)
Rating: 1/5

Others
Mike Gminski - Kind of dry but overall hes a decent listen
Don Bonner - I seem to like him
Digger Phelps - Notre Dame homer and is awful at tournament brackets
Doug Gottlieb - Seems like an idiot
Seth Davis - Easily the best studio man, provides good information and analysis
Clark Kellogg - I enjoy him, just needs to learn to look at the camera when talking... as a game analyst hes decent

The Browns Are The Next AIDS

No Amount of Drugs Can Save You


Post-Traumatic Browns Disorder. Anyone ever heard of it? Nope? Thats because it's a newly forming disease that needs to be looked into by the Center for Disease Control. Every decade has had it's new devastating disease. Well folks, we may have a blooming epidemic on our hands in Northeast Ohio. This mental illness has already affected our very own Spergon Wynn's Dad, and even more recently has claimed Browns RT Ryan Tucker. Tucker left the Browns for the year with what is being called a treatable mental illness...yea treatable through trade or free agency. How am I the first person to mention this possible epidemic. How many former Browns players can logically blaim their horrid performance while in Cleveland to PTBD? I mean their are some obvious ones, from William Green to Gerard Warren to Bill Belichchick, but how many lesser known players and fans have/are suffering from this illness?

Why I Hate Tim Couch

As a current UK student and Browns fan, I feel like I can talk about Tim Couch and my burning hatred for him. Every time he comes back for a football or basketball game (which is every other week, as he has nothing to do with his life besides his trips to Dr. James Andrews office) he is met with resounding adulation. This drives me bat shit crazy. I can understand why UK fans like him as he led us to a respectable 7-5 record his junior year (UK's football history since Bear Bryant left is absolutely pathetic, so 7-5 is a big deal here). But looking back at his college career it was not anything special. He put up huge numbers in a Hal Mumme's spread offense that is generated to put up numbers like Texas Tech and Hawaii of today do. Tim Couch was more or less a glorified Timmy Chang or Cliff Kingsburry. But, the fact that UK crowds give him nearly as big of admiration as they do Ashley Judd is plain ludicrous.

The collection of minds working for the Browns in 1999 make Matt Millen seem competent by comparison. Carmen Policy, Dwight Clark and Chris Palmer determined that Couch would be the best choice to build our expansion franchise around. I guess they missed the glaring holes that Couch just ran a dink and dunk offense in college, didn't have the arm strength to make NFL Quarterback throws, and obviously was a mental case. So I guess I cant blame Couch for being picked by a front office that must have taken too many trips to Carmen Policys northern California vineyard.

Side note: There was a report on News Channel 5 right before the draft with Chris Palmer. Palmer talked about how he was tinkering with Couch's throwing motion to get more RPM's on his ball. This was the first time i began to question whether he would be able to be a competent QB.

Im moving forward into the reasons I truly hate Tim Couch...

1. Struggled to beat out Cade McNown to fornicate with Heather Kozar

2. Constantly got injured. Probably has set the record for most arm strains on one human being.

3. QB rating hovered in the mid-70s

4. Considered a God at UK

5. HE CRIED

My History As A Browns Fan

By Spergon Wynn's Dad
I’ve never had a girlfriend. Therefor, it may not make sense for me to draw this parallel. But I’ll go ahead and do it anyway. Being a diehard Browns fan trumps the stress, pain, sacrifice, joys, and heartache of the most topsy-turvy of human relationships. Imagine being in love, not just a teenage puppy crush but truly in love with the girl of your dreams. Now imagine that your dating this girl for as long as you can remember, and suddenly she dumps you and goes out with some smarmy prick rival of yours. That’s sort of what its like being a diehard Browns fan, only imagine feeling such agony on a regular basis.

Being a diehard Browns fan is one of, if not the biggest challenges I’ve had to deal with in my (not-so-difficult) life. Why am I as big a Browns fan as I am? What seperates the disinterested from the casual from dedicated from the diehard from the possessed, well that I couldn’t tell you. Perhaps we all have medichlorian counts that determine our passion for our given teams, and I was gifted/cursed with a surplus. What I do know is theres something about the Browns fanbase that you can’t say about any old team. Before I explore my own past as a Browns fan, keep in mind that this is only a journey through a somewhat psychotic fans very recent experiences with a long running franchise. As much I’m about to piss and moan, I’ve really been through nothing compared to some. I’m only halfway tested as a Browns fan, but I think I’ve passed the midterm.

Continue Reading Here

The NBA east, what a joke

"You couldn't even call the NBA east an apocalypse--it's more like a poopocalypse." Bill Simmons says it best. It is pretty entertaining to go to Bill Simmons' page on ESPN.com and look at all the pathetic stats. For example the five teams in the Atlantic division are a combined 25-46.


Bill Simmons puts it best

HEY!

I constantly look at this picture and laugh. Whenever Im down about a Maryland win, I look at this picture and remember that Gary Williams must dip into Len Bias' secret stash while hanging out with ugly women.

Cavs what the hell are you doing??

Come on Cavs what the hell are we doing? I watched this entire game and other than our late second half 19-2 run we looked awful. We were settling for outside shots even though we were having success with people such as Eric Snow driving to the hole. We all know that the Knicks have some of the streakiest shooters in the league in Q Rich and Jamal Crawford and what do we do but watch them drain threes in our eye. They went 9-16 from beyond the arc because we played awful defense for most of the game. The only time they looked bad was when we actually stepped up and played some defense for a couple minutes. At that point they got horribly flustered and couldnt do anything. But we were too lazy to play all around defense so we would just step out on the three and not do anything else, at which point they would feed it to 6-11 285 pound fatass Eddy Curry who got 24 points on our pathetic asses. 4-19 from three for us is absolutely disgusting. Learn how to shoot dammit.
How the hell are we supposed to win a championship if we are going to play down to our competition?

Michael Strahan Is Intimidating

Did anyone else see Michael Strahan go off ESPN's Kelly Naqi when he was questioned about the comments he made on a local NYC radio station about Plaxico Burress? Well if go to espn.com, its just hilarious. Strahan, with the massive gap in his teeth, is chewing something and trying to intimidate some harmless female reporter with his "I'm Michael Strahan" girly lisped voice. I've figured out what's really going on here though. It has nothing to do with his team losing 3 straight, or his idiotic, team-crushing comments about Burress. It's all about Tom Arnold. Yes, the actor Tom Arnold, who got in a fight with Strahan a while back on The Best Damn Sports Show Period. This was no yelling match, they scuffled, and Michael Strahan came away hurt. He got his assed kicked by Tom Arnold! Strahan obviously hasn't been able to deal with that embarassment and now has stooped to even lower depths by trying to intimidate some insignificant woman sports reporter. I Applaud you Michael, you are one scary man.

Thank the college basketball Gods

WOW. Thank you UNC for beating the horribly overrated Buckeyes. OSU was a victim of the system and got thrust into the number one spot, but by no means did they deserve it. Right now might be the only time I ever thank Roy Williams for anything, and that's for putting the college basketball world back on its axis. OSU will not see the number one spot again in my opinion, but I will say they'll atleast have a shot at it come mid-January when the 65 year old freshman is fully recovered. Just make sure you realize that this statement does not give all you OSU fans a license to constantly speculate and pump yourselves up over Oden's presumed greatness. ACC still owns the Big 10. That is all.